Written By Jose Schwartz (Posted February 2008)
LETTER ONE: NOVEMBER 2006
Dear Ms. Therapist,
My wife and I want to thank you for the E-mail. It sounds like you sincerely have our son\\\\\\'s best interest at heart.
It is our sincere hope that you have had the opportunity to read all the information we sent to you regarding same-sex attraction (SSA). After reading this material, we recognized how we made mistakes in raising our son. The consequences are surfacing more and more every day. Recognizing our responsibility is one part of what has become a continuing education course in parenting skills and understanding what causes homosexuality. It is unfortunate that our politically correct world has bought the notion that being gay is genetic. Hopefully, someone will determine how to break the news to our society that no one is born gay. And, more to the point, we are hopeful that you can work with our son to help him recognize his emotional adaptations to childhood pain that in turn resulted in his SSA.
You are correct that ego-syntonic homosexuality was removed from the list of psychological disorders in the 1970\\\\\\'s. Sadly , this politically motivated and unscientific decision was a tragic mistake as outlined in The Trojan Couch by Dr. Jeffrey B. Satinover which can be found on the NARTH web site ( www.narth.com ) and in the book by Dr. Rogers Wright and Dr. Nicholas Cummings (former President of the APA), Destructive Trends in Mental Health: The Well-Intentioned Path to Harm. To recover from this tragedy is going to take many years. Unfortunately it will also cause many broken hearts and take the lives of many wonderful people. We do not want our son to be one of them....neither a statistic nor a piece of quilt.
What you appear to dismiss is the fact that ego-dystonic honmosexuality is still listed as a treatable psychological disorder. Thus if the person is unhappy feeling SSA, you can ethically treat that individual and help him regain his authentic masculinity even though the APA\\\\\\'s and other politically correct groups try to hide this fact.
Because he is young and innocent, our son is under the illusion he is not at risk for getting AIDS. AIDS has been around for over 20 years. Do you not believe that current victims of this heinous disease knew enough about taking appropriate precautions? Our son pointed out how he almost became a victim of AIDS...at least once.
My wife and I feel comfortable with you and the rapport you are developing with our son. We are not asking you to "change" him to heterosexual. We are asking you to help him get to the core of his feelings, the source of his behaviors and desires. We understand how his same-sex attractions are a by-product of his unfilled emotional needs. Thus, if you can help him really understand his deepest emotional needs, his same-sex attraction will sort itself out. Our son is smart; he will figure things out if together we get to the root of his issues. If this is beyond your scope, perhaps you can help point him in the right direction. We are also willing to put you in touch with professionals in this field that can help you help others.
Intelligent people often ask questions and seek answers. Why is the sky blue? There is an answer. How do fish breathe? There is an answer. Why is a person â€œgayâ€? There too, there is an answer, one that apparently is not being heard. The gay activists and the gay agenda are a wealthy, powerful and politically connected group. The gay issue is promoted everywhere you turn. Unfortunately many confuse tolerance with acceptance. As a mental health professional you see this all the time. Yet in spite of the overwhelming propaganda to the contrary, the truth of the matter is there is no evidence as to the genetic cause of same-sex attraction. There is no scientific study that supports the genetic argument. Those who believe in the genetic argument are like a bunch of Emperors showing off their new clothes, only the people on the outside know the difference. They try â€œI was born this wayâ€, but cannot prove it. Being â€œgayâ€ is the classic Alice\\\\\\'s Restaurant Syndrome...."If one person does it, they think he is crazy, if two people do it, they think they are both crazy, but if three people do it, it becomes a movement".
On the other hand, the documentation we sent to you does contain a common denominator. There are markers that are true and unbelievably accurate. We hope you recognize the connections of cause and effect as to our son\\\\\\'s SSA. Of course, you have only known him for a short while we have known him all his life. We see the connections and hopefully as you get to know him, you will also. To read this material is like reading our son\\\\\\'s diary. All our heartache and grief is nothing compared to what this wonderful young man has gone through. He has carried a burden no one should bear. Asking him to continue to carry this burden is not fair.
As a school counselor, you are at the forefront of a brand new day in the field of "gay" issues and the mental well being of many children; the future of the world is in your hands. You have the potential to make an incredible difference not just in the life of our son, but for many other troubled youths that are just being told to deal with it, tough break kid, that\\\\\\'s the way it is.
If you prefer a video, we would be happy to drop one off by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. Read what other mental health professionals are saying about his work at http://www.narth.com/docs/repair.html. There is a tremendous amount of material and documentation on the NARTH web site. The organizations linked to this site only want to help these troubled men, women, and children. Help, thatâ€™s all. No political agenda, just help. On the other hand, visit some pro-gay web sites. Care for a real treat? Do a Google search on â€œHow do I know I am gay?â€ and see what pops up. Then imagine you are a troubled 14-21 year old confused about your sexuality. These sites have many ways to suck these lonely individuals into a dark abyssâ€¦a place where they are welcome...a place where they believe they are understood. Oh yes, all are welcome into the â€œgay familyâ€. But if you try to leave, that is another story. One needs to watch out because the propaganda machine is well oiled, well funded and fueled by hate of those who want to leave the "gay family". Check out www.truthwinsout.com for a sampler. If being â€œgayâ€ was such a natural thing, who would care if people came and went as they chose? It is a house of cards and breezy days are ahead.
All we are asking from you is an open mind and an open heart to our troubled son. Please do not be an enabler and support any whim of the patient. Would you do it for the heroin addict? Would you do it for the pedophile? You said it best when you wrote "the most helpful I can be to him is to support him in his quest to discover who he truly is and what his sexual orientation is". Once the roots of his issues surface, our son will be able to express his true inner being. He will figure this out on his own as long as the underlying issues are treated, not the symptom. Same-sex attraction is a marker of other underlying emotional issues. Same-sex attraction is a result of an individual\\\\\\'s perceptions. Same-sex attraction is a cry for help. Same sex attraction is not something we are born with. Same sex attraction is not a conscious choice. My wife and I understand this, we hope you do too.
Please keep in mind how history repeats itself. As a reference point, please recall how the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics taught communism was the way to go for over 60 years. They preached it, taught it, tried to spread it around the world. The Communists killed a lot of innocent people to prove their point, only for the world to find out they were wrong. Conventional wisdom would make one think, gee whiz, there are a lot of dead people that wished they figured it out much sooner. Our son deserves much better than that fate.
Our assumption is that you will have reviewed the information we sent prior to our meeting on Friday evening.
LETTER TWO: DECEMBER 2006
Dear Ms. Therapist,
My wife and I thought we should send an explanation of our reluctance to make additional follow up appointments with you for our son.
At our last meeting, you mentioned that when our son first came to you, he expressed confusion about whether he was â€œgayâ€ or not. Now that he identifies as gay seems to indicate to us that whatever treatment or counseling you gave to him sent him on this â€œgayâ€ pathway. Your "gay affirmative" philosophy appears to have taken root.
We find this to be totally irresponsible and unconscionable. How could a mental health professional allow a person on the brink of such a troubling decision send him down this slippery slide to loneliness, rejection, isolation, hatred of others and total disregard for his own safety and well being.
I could rattle on for hours about the changes taking place in this wonderful human being on a daily basisâ€¦it is a heartbreaker. Even his previous therapist, a self proclaimed lesbian PhD, said she did not think he was gay. Her comments were clear: if there was ever a client of hers on this thin ice, she would never send them in this direction.
To find out that you never even explored further what he revealed at our last meeting about his experiences as a 12 year old (after I asked a few questions), borders on malpractice. In spite of your protestations to the contrary, it is well documented that homosexuality is not innate, nobody is born that way.
Our son disclosed at our last meeting that something happened at the age of 12 that started his exploration of his same-sex attraction. He did not wish to talk about it (I presume because we were there). You gave him the out by suggesting there were â€œboundary issuesâ€ present.
That was an opportunity to help him. This may have been the root of where his SSA began, a bright waiving red flag signaling this is where attention is needed. He needs to get this burden off his chest. As a mental health professional, to us anyway, it seems only logical your job is to find the source of the problem and treat it. You could have explored it at other meetings with him.
Our son, as you are aware by now, is a very good liar. He has been lying to us for years. Your comment â€œit was not lying, he was protecting himselfâ€ is an insult to intelligence. When Bill Clinton tried to â€œprotect himselfâ€, it turns out, he was just lying. Lying is lying.
It is our feeling our son likes seeing you because you are a nice person. You tell him what he wants to hear and he loves the praise and acceptance. This is typical of SSA people. They seek praise for everything, even things that they should do on their own. This is the reason they â€œunderstand each otherâ€, it is because they are all equally hurting.
We feel further visits with you will be counter productive. Your apparent disinterest in the written material we sent by E-mail, the books and DVDâ€™s we offered to deliver to you, is disheartening. In our opinion, you feel this information is either invalid, irrelevant, or that you already know all you need to know. Expanding your knowledge base in order to help others is obviously of no interest to you. This is a shame and comes at a great expense to such wonderful people as our son.
In the meantime, our son is unable or unwilling to work at anything productive. He spends too much time running around with his GAYDAR palm pilot and cruising the Internet for the love he so much wants and deserves but unknowingly will not be able to attain in a homosexual relationship. Our greatest fear is he will fall into the promiscuous habits of most SSA men and be exposed to HIV/AIDS. We feel he is living a life of Russian Roulette, one which you are telling him is OK.
As a counselor for a school district, it is our sincere hope and desire that you do more research on Same-Sex Attraction Disorder (SSAD, not gay) and share this with others. Due to political pressure there are there are too many school districts sending good kids down this tough, tough road.
We wish only the best for you and thank you so much for your time and efforts.