Written By David, An Israeli JONAH Struggler (posted Nov. 2007)
"That's the key here: healing SSA is a progress from compulsion and a sense of weakness, to a mature sense of competence and self-mastery as a man."
Here's a brief attempt at an Intro for Beginners:
1. "I think I'm gay and..."
You are not gay. There is no such thing. Decades of scientific research have not come up with ANY evidence tosupport the idea that gays are "born that way", or that homosexual attractions are inborn.
You have been lied to.
Those of you who follow the news from Israel - and maybe have a personal connection here - already are familiar with the gross, ideologically motivated distortions of the truth about Israel by the media and other liberal strongholds such as universities.
The same thing has been done to promote the pro-gay agenda.
For many, a first step in the process is cutting through the media stardust and getting at the truth: there is no genetic basis for homosexuality, you do not have to live with this forever, it is not an immutable part of your makeup.
If you don't take the time to really work this out - the lies of the pro-gay propaganda machine will close around you like a shackle, preventing you from growing, healing, and living the life YOU choose to lead.
2. What is this term "SSA"? Doesn't it just mean I'm gay?
We use the term SSA - Same-Sex Attraction - to describe our drives and behaviors.
It's not an identity. It's a behavior that we wish to change.
More accurately: it's a symptom.
In most cases, sexual attraction to one's own sex is a maladapted, unhealthy response to trauma, or to events that block or sidetrack normal development. Studies (ironically, some of them conducted by gay organizations!) have shown clearly that the majority of men who feel same-sex attractions share certain traumatic experiences or dysfunctional family situations. The most common are:
- Dysfunctional parental relationships - missed bond with father, abusive or distant father, smothering or emotionally enmeshed mother, narcissistic/manipulative father or mother... Often dysfunctional parents come in pairs!
- Childhood or teenage sexual abuse
- Peer wounds, especially during puberty: exclusion (particularly from one's gender group), ridicule, abuse
- Other experiences that lead to a mindset of inferiority or inadequacy compared to others - especially to other men.
To cope with these traumas/challenges, our minds have "hijacked" sex and pressed it into service to fill another emotional need, or cover a wound.
Another way of saying it is: we have sexualized that which we feel is lacking in us (yearning for love, approval, and acceptance from men), or created a comforting sexualized escape from the perceived threat of heterosexuality (smothering mother, being a "good little boy").
This isn't an identity.
And it's not just a normal variation on human sexuality.
It's a compulsive behavior, with many points in common with other compulsive behaviors.
For example, bulimics and anorexics have done something similar - they have taken the normal urge to eat, and the normal pleasure of eating, and invested them with additional meanings in an unhealthy way - turning these normal drives into self-damaging behaviors.
If you have spent any time around the gay "community" you may have seen this - the vast majority of "out and proud" homosexuals drift through short-term relationships and anonymous sex, constantly pursuing the "dream lover" that will fill their unmet needs. This pattern is clearly compulsive, and can lead to self-destructive behavior.
3. Can you just quickly show me how to control my urges so I can get married?
It is not possible to simply control the surface behavior. This is like "sticking your finger in the dyke" - the pressure just builds until it blows up.
We said that SSA is similar to other compulsive/addictive behaviors. Well, the healing path is similar, too: it is necessary to uncover the underlying, unmet needs - the meaning that you have invested in your SSA feelings - and to resolve them.
This can mean grieving past abuse, or missed opportunities to bond with one's father.
It also has a positive element - after identifying where your path of growth was blocked, it is possible to build other, more healthy ways to meet your emotional needs. It is possible to learn healthy, appropriate ways to interact and feel intimate with both men and women.
By this process - introspection and healing past wounds, and building a healthier self-image and way of being - we heal the underlying causes of our SSA.
In most instances, people who do this feel the force of the same-sex attractions diminish, and feel heterosexual attractions grow.
The pace of your healing depends on your own personal story. A young person dealing with minor doubts about his masculinity will handle things differently than someone seriously traumatized by a dysfunctional background.
4. So I can get rid of these feelings?
Well... let's go back to that bulimic, or look at recovered alcoholics
and drug users.
They have built a balanced view of life - and a healthier view of
themselves and others.
But at times of stress in life - the old, broken "solutions" often
suggest themselves. The classic example is the guy who hasn't had a
cigarette in years, but asks for one during a stressful time.
Similarly, healing for us means being free to choose - and live - the
lives that we want, and that we feel are right and holy.But in some
cases and situations these feelings may crop up.
If the wounds are deep, healing means being able to live your life -
despite occasional pains from the past.
Healing means that when the broken non-solution of SSA suggests itself,
you will have other, healthier behaviors - and reasons for living - with
which to answer that momentary impulse.
And the truth is that adults must do this all the time - countering many
unproductive impulses, attaining self-mastery.
That's the key here: healing SSA is a progress from compulsion and a
sense of weakness, to a mature sense of competence and self-mastery as a